Feelings Are Normal

 I'm having a day today.  You know, one of those days where it seems anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Well, if you're a believer in the law of attraction, and I am; then you know that once you get a certain vibe going you are going to continue to attract things at that vibration.

I had frustration over one thing, which led to another and so on, and so on.  I was working in my yard and got over heated, which led to a terrible headache, and I was overtired, which is never a good combination for my mood.  In the middle of all of this I had a business situation where I did not feel heard. I felt angry and irritated.  

I took a shower and nap to recover from the heat and headache. Upon waking up I was still super frustrated and then began to feel sad. A few hours later I was no longer angry or frustrated over the situation as it was beginning to resolve itself, but I was left with this sense of sadness. A feeling that halted me in my steps and forced me to observe it.

You see, I'm no stranger to depression and anxiety.  It is a battle I have faced my entire life.  I have found ways to manage it, but it will always be a part of my life that I have to be wary of.  Unfortunately, because of this and the way society is today, when I'm having a normal response to a situation; I immediately begin to think, "Oh no, am I becoming depressed?" 

So as I began to observe the sadness, I realized I was having a perfectly normal response to everything that has transpired in my life over the past few weeks.  Our family is mourning a loss, so there is a sadness in our home and through out our extended family. As an Empath, I am always feeling those around me, when it's in my household those feelings are even stronger.  The frustrations and anger I was feeling about the other situations were 100% valid, but those feelings can also leave a feeling of sadness as they dissipate from the body.  

Knowing that my feelings of sadness are a completely normal response to life allows me to feel them.  I am not going to try to push through the feelings.  I won't try to occupy myself by staying busy until they pass.  I will feel them and know it's ok.  

I think as a society we are too quick to name everything as depression, that we no longer normalize natural feelings.  However I also believe that mental illness is still stigmatized and that's why so many people do not get the help they so desperately need, so there is the double edged sword.  It's as if as a society people aren't allowed to have any feelings other than happy or angry at the world.  Those are the two emotions that seem to be acceptable, I would say that's probably the base for so many problems today.

So please, if you're feeling any type of way, stop and look at your feelings.  What triggered them?  You may just find that it is a completely normal biological response to the situation.  If you find that it's not, if you've been sad for more than two weeks for no reason, if you're angry all the time, please, reach out for help.

Much love,

Melanie

Return to Normal?

So, it seems the world or at least our part of the world is returning to what it calls a "New Normal".  So many people are thrilled to be able to go out in the world without restrictions, to be able to toss the masks to the side and feel free.  The restrictions are all being lifted just in time to enjoy the hazy days of summer.  The times for fun gatherings with friends and family at cookouts, celebrations as the Class of 2021 get to celebrate actual graduation ceremonies; happy brides and grooms anticipating weddings, all of this is wonderful news.

For so many though it's happy news that comes with an underlying sense of fear.  People are still anxious.  People have become accustomed to the way of life of the past year and are living in a place of fear to step out into an unrestricted society, so it is for the rest of us to offer them patience and compassion as they take whatever time they need to get used to it or not.  If they choose to wear a mask forever and continue to practice social distancing, that is their freedom and right to do so.

For so many others, myself included, it has made them rethink what exactly they are willing to return to.  So may people are rethinking what they are willing to once again call normal.  Many are opting out of the rat race life.  The chaos of the never ending to-do list.  Always on-the-go and never taken time to enjoy life.  Working so hard to have the big house and nice car and fancy clothes and toys for the kids, but not having time to enjoy the backyard or drive in the car other than to and from work and most importantly spend time playing and hanging out with the children.

I completely enjoyed the throw back to the easier pace of life.  The way it was before being busy became a badge of honor.  The time I spent last summer and fall in my yard reconnecting with nature and those closest to me will be a time I will be grateful for.  That for me will be the gift I will take from the mess that was 2020.  

This new normal comes with choices.  So if it gives me the slightest feeling of overwhelm or feeling too busy to enjoy my own life and down time; then that's going to be a "No" for me.

Every person has to create their own way in this life.  I believe if you make space to just enjoy your life at a pace that FEELS right for you, everything else really does fall into place; and then there is no need to run around feeling super busy because things get done and there just IS time for what you want to do.  The Universe responds to our vibration, so if we are at peace and relaxed then that is what will be presented to us.  If we are running around overwhelmed and frantic; then the Universe will continue to give us things to be overwhelmed and frantic about.

 

Sending you all much Love as you navigate your normal

Melanie

Noticing Slights

 Why is it that we often appear to only notice what people don't do for us?  Or we only seem to notice the people who are thoughtless of us or inconsiderate to us.  Why does it matter to us if only a few people in our atmosphere are seemingly thoughtless or inconsiderate?

I will speak for myself, however I'm sure a vast majority of people would agree with me, the number of amazing and considerate people in my space on the daily far outweigh anyone else.  So why does it cut me to the quick with the handful who are not that way or "appear" to not be that way?

Is it everyone who notices when people act in thoughtless or inconsiderate manners?  Do people care?  Do I care so much because I'm a doer?  Do I care so much because I go out of my way to make others feel cared for and appreciated?  Does it bother me so much because it's a trauma response? Hmm???? This could very well be the case.  Maybe it's all part of being Hypersensitive?  Maybe it's time to revisit some old tools? Melody Beattie time?

Whatever the reason is, I find myself noticing a lot more lately who appears to be thoughtless and self centered vs caring and thoughtful.

I know for me, when I fall off the radar and don't check in with people, ask how they're doing, reply to what's going on in their life, it means my plate is completely overflowing with stuff. My A.D.D. brain ceases to function properly.  I'm quite sure overwhelming life is probably the case with most other people as well.

For the few that really are selfish...  Well, then it's time for Boundaries and to get out the list of all the amazing people in my life and appreciate my blessings.

 Boundaries are getting easier to put in place with age, especially after this past year.  I think this past year has shown the majority of humans who they can and can't live without.  So maybe that's why I've been noticing the slights more lately.  Because after this past year, my inner peace is the most important to me.  Knowing there may be times when we have to choose who we can be around due to quarantine purposes, It makes it easier for one to create their boundaries and walk away from the rest.

So my advice to myself and anyone who cares to read this...  Focus on the people who bring you joy, the ones that never make the (Can you believe they did or didn't do that) list.  Take some time to make a gratitude list, every time you think of a person that didn't, list ones who do.  And for those of you out there who are busy and realize you've fallen off the radar, take a minute to reach out to those you love.  

For those others...  Well....  You do you!

Books

Here are some books I've enjoyed.  I am an avid reader, so I could go on pages and pages.  I'm sure I will add more at some point 

The Alchemist  - Paulo Coelho

The Celestine Prophecy - James Redfield

The Sophia Code - Kaia Ra

The Surrender Experiment - Michael A Singer 

The Universe Has Your Back - Gabrielle Bernstein

Miracles Now - Gabrielle Bernstein

Girl Stop Apologizing - Rachel Hollis

Becoming Supernatural - Dr. Joe Dispenza

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - Dr. Joe Dispenza

Your Psychic Pathway - Sonia Choquette

(Pretty Much anything Sonia Choquette)

The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts - Gary Chapmam

Know your value - Mika Brzezinski

Untamed - Glennon Doyle

The Four Agreements - don Miguel Ruiz

Women Who Run With Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

It's Not Your Money - Tosha Silver

Mary Magdalene Revealed - Meggan Watterson

Ask and It Is Given - Esther Hicks & Jerry Hicks

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers - Debbie Ford

The 5 Second Rule - Mel Robbins

Year of Yes - Shonda Rhimes

The Gifts of Imperfection - Brene' Brown

The Power of Vulnerability -  Brene' Brown

(All books Brene' Brown)

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life - Dr. Wayne Dyer

(All things/Books Dr. Dyer.  I credit him with so much in my life)

Codependent No More - Melody Beattie

Triggers

Have you ever stopped to think about why you reacted to something the way you did?  Part of returning to our sacred selves is feeling all the feels; and that also includes looking at why we react certain ways.

Anger for example... For me when I am angry you can bet it is coming from either feeling shamed or feeling a sense of fear or injustice, which can also trigger shame.  It's amazing how even the thought of it can trigger the feeling of shame. I sit here and write this, I can feel those feelings in my body.  The feelings of anxiety, flushed cheeks, dizziness.
So when I get angry, if I take some time to sit with the feelings and allow myself to trace them back to their origins, It doesn't take long for me to realize that it usually comes from previous trauma that I thought was long ago healed.

I have spent the better part of 20 years doing the work on myself, but every once in a while that little girl who felt like nobody would protect me or fight for me gets triggered.
Triggers for me happen in a moment that I feel as though I have been embarrassed, treated as less than or unfairly, I immediately become angry and want to lash out.  The moment I see what I perceive to be injustice I become angry and want to right that injustice and defend those I feel are not being protected.
Being able to identify the feelings and sit with them allows me to release them faster.  I am then able to move forward and take whatever appropriate actions are necessary.

Brene' Brown has some great books and talks on shame. I'm paraphrasing, but she defines shame as I am bad vs. guilt of I did bad. She says if we give it a voice it doesn't have power over us.  I believe it's true.  The more we discuss what is causing us to feel this way, the less we will feel it and will react to it.

I believe there is a biological reason for every emotion we have.  It goes back to us needing our fight or flight reflexes to survive.  I feel we need to recognize why we are feeling triggered and be able to release it so it does not have a hold on you both mentally and physically.  Perhaps by recognizing it, it will have served its purpose.

When one doesn't deal with their triggers, they then project them onto others.  They are projecting onto someone else that which is inside of them that they have not looked at.  There are times when they are triggered and the situation is something that they have failed to deal with or something that they feel they do not like in themselves.  It is so important to be aware of your own triggers and to confront them.  When you do this, you will know for sure when someone is projecting their triggers on you or when you are projecting on another.

Looking at the shadow self is so necessary to be whole. 💜🙏

Presence over Hope

It has been over two months since we started a Social Distancing lock down in my part of the world.  Just now our Governor has announced phase 1 to begin opening businesses again.  I have spent so much time helping some around me to not go down the Rabbit Hole, that I found myself beginning to struggle with everything that was going on. 

Like so many others across the Country we have family members that were due to graduate. Class of 2020. I held out hope that it would all be over by Graduation time.  I see my niece who worked so hard throughout her high school career, got accepted to an amazing college be denied prom, senior activities and that dream of walking across the stage. I hate that I can't make it better for her.

I have friends that have lost loved ones to this horrible virus and have been denied proper goodbyes to their family member and we can't be there in person to support them. 

I have watched other friends and family members suffer complete burnout as they are front line health heroes and there is absolutely nothing I can do for them.

When I was numbing my brain with bad TV and internet scrolling while poking my head in the Rabbit Hole, I stumbled on a video posted by Nadia Bolz-Weber  In the video she talks about how she is also struggling and how she found looking forward to things may have been causing her to feel more anxious as news came of more cancellations. She talks about an interview she watched of a former POW who was asked how he got through it.  He said that the Optimists were the ones that had the hardest time.  They would say by Thanksgiving we will be free or by Christmas and each date came and went. They died from broken hearts.  He knew they would get out of there, but he didn't know when.  He just knew he had to focus on the moment in front of him.

Seeing this video helped to bring me back to present.  I had allowed myself to focus on everything and everyone else around me that it brought me out of the present moment.  I then turned my optimism up to Full Throttle to try and keep everyone else from diving head first down the Rabbit Hole that I didn't realize what I was actually doing to myself.

Hope and Optimism are wonderful to have; however they can be a double edged sword at times.  When we constantly focus on being hopeful or optimistic, then we miss out on the present.  Pandemic aside, we constantly compare our present state to that of the hopeful future. If we are already anxious, focusing on future events will only add to that and we miss out on some amazing things that are going on right in front of us.

We need to consciously ground ourselves in the now. Focusing on mindfulness and gratitude in daily life will help us become happier.  (ooh that cup of coffee! I kid, but it can be as simple as that)  In the times we are in right now, it is the little things we can focus on to find gratitude and happiness.

I'm grateful for the extra time I got to spend in my yard enjoying Gaia. I'm grateful that this time has forced me to slow down and truly appreciate those around me.

We are going to get through this.  We will resume to some type of Normal.  Know that you will persevere. Focus on today. What is new in your world today? Enjoy smiling eyes. Take time to breathe deep.  Accept help from others.  Reach out to your friends and family and offer help to them, especially your strong friend.  Your strong friend may not even know they need it.  As a strong friend I can tell you that sometimes all I need is a "Hey, how are you doing?" To make it all better. 💜

Namaste

Melanie

Uncharted Waters

As I write this, we are now several weeks into suggested self quarantine /social distancing.  In our State it has been suggested all non essential businesses close until May 4th, which will be approximately 7 weeks by that point.  I sit here and realize if I'm feeling all kinds of ways right now, I'm sure I can't be the only one.

We are in uncharted waters.  We have never in our time had to deal with a situation as dire as this.  Our officials are working out the kinks, our first responders and medical professionals, the heroes in this Pandemic have exhausted all of their safety equipment and soon personnel as they too are getting ill.  

Those of us at home are trying to figure out life with our new norm.  People working from home are trying to learn video conferencing while homeschooling children.  We are inundated with what used to be our outside life being made available online, for some causing sensory overload.

What most of us need to be doing right now is taking time to just be.  Take time to grieve. Some are grieving loss of loved ones, some are grieving loss of the way things were.  This pandemic has forever changed life as we knew it.  We do not know what life will bring at the end of this situation.  It is perfectly ok to take some time to grieve that and just be.  There is no need to rush to fill up every moment of at home life.  If you don't allow yourself to go through the emotions, fear and/ or anxiety that you may be feeling, you can weaken your immune system; this is the last thing you need to do at this time.  

Practice extreme self care right now.  If you need to sleep, then sleep.  If you need to go out for a walk, then go. (Just practice social distancing if you see people 6 ft distance) If you need to FaceTime or zoom/ skype a loved one, then do that.  Do a digital detox.  Do whatever you need to do for you right now or do nothing...  Just don't feel you need to fill the time just because.

For people who are sensitive to energies, rest may be called for.  You may need to cocoon at this time.  I myself had 4 days where all I did was sleep.  My body needed that time to cocoon and workout all the new energy on the planet and within me.  I allowed myself to take that time.  Normally I would push through and "get things done".  This time I knew that for whatever the reason, I needed to listen to my body.

I may be an eternal optimist or it may be internal knowing/ spidey senses, but I believe we will come out better than we were before.  I believe there is a silver lining.  Mother Gaia has been given the opportunity to heal herself as the planet is forced to quarantine and stop pollution.  I believe the world is going to have digital overload and long for the times when they can talk to people and it will once again boost human relationships.  I believe as the fear fades as people heal, that kindness will win out.  I believe with all my heart the planet is ready to embrace the elevation and expansion that has been in the works for years.

So do what you need to do for you right now.  There is no right or wrong way.  The only way is what helps you be honest with yourself. Honor your feelings and all the rest will fall into place.

Practice kindness to others when you have the chance. 

Stay safe tribe.

Namaste'

Melanie

I'm fine. Thanks

How many times have you been ready to completely breakdown and have someone say, “What can I do to help?” and you respond, “I’m fine, thanks.”?

Why is it so hard for us to accept help?
In a world where we are all going in a million different directions at once, why is it almost impossible for us to say, "Yes, I need help!"  Is it the busyness badge of honor?  Is it that if we are not burning the candle at both ends, we don't feel like we are doing anything at all?  Is it that we are so used to doing everything ourselves that we do not know how to accept help?  Could it be a combination of all of the above?

I think for me it's part ACOA/Codependent behavior and part I'm the daughter/mother who grew up in a society where we did it all.  Probably toss in a little “Type A” as I didn't trust it would be done correctly.

It took a basic mental wipe out from taking on way too much for me to realize that it was ok for me to accept help. It didn’t make me weak or less than. That there wasn't anyone in the world that could handle it all at once. And if there was someone out there that could, then My hat is off to them, they are a super hero.

A friend said to me once, "When you do not accept help that is offered by someone in your life, you are denying them the gift of helping you.  That feeling you get when you are able to help a loved one.  You are denying that person that gift."  It put it into perspective for me.  It made me feel like I'm not a burden by accepting help, I'm allowing people who care about me to provide love and care that they truly want to give.

Yes, there are times when people ask, "What can I do to help?" And truly, you have no idea. Sometimes there is nothing other than allowing them to listen to you vent.  So those are the times if someone says, "I'm going to do ( insert anything at all)  So you can have a break or relax", That is when you need to accept that gift and not come up with a million excuses not to do it.

Friends, They say "It takes a village to raise a child", I say it also takes a village to create and support a community and that starts one person at a time.  Allow your Tribe to support you.  Ask for help if you need it and please, if someone offers help, accept it.

Be Kind to Yourself

I believe topics or items keep coming up in my space because I am either meant to deal with it, discuss it with our tribe or often times both.  Self-Compassion has been a big one lately. In fact, Last week in Meditation we received a message from Spirit regarding this topic and it has come in front of me several times a day since. Including a situation where I was unavailable for much of this week due to an ill family member.  I was beginning to get into the beat myself up mode for not doing all my normal activities and / or having to put things on the back-burner.; When it dawned on me, I needed to give myself a break.

Why are we not good at giving ourselves the understanding and compassion that we so freely give to others?

I am not a professional therapist,  this is all based on personal experience and observation.  I think we do not allow ourselves to sit with our feelings, we just want to just brush them off or ignore them altogether and are harsh with ourselves.
When we offer compassion to others, we have empathized with them in a way that we can feel their need or pain.  When we don't sit with our feelings, we bottle them up, push them down and then become hard on our self.  You know what I mean! That self talk of "Shake it off... You're being ridiculous, There are worse things in the world, People have it worse than you..."  Sure, all that may be true, but that doesn't mean what you're feeling at that moment isn't real.  
So when you're blowing it off and pushing it down, it has nowhere to go.  Then something else happens and we push that down, and something else, and so on...  Before we know it, we blow!  We are either an emotional crying wreck, in a depression or lashing out with anger at anyone who dares to cross in front of us.
So let's be kind to ourselves. If you're feeling any kind of feels, take time to sit with it.  I mean really sit with it.  Get quiet, do some breathing and really feel those feelings.  Feel them in your body.  where are they manifesting.  Can you feel the sadness in your heart area, or annoyance/ anger in your stomach or back.  Allow yourself to just feel where it is.
Once you have identified the feels, maybe allow yourself to try and see why you feel that way.  It could be a trigger, grief, a feeling of betrayal or even just plain old exhaustion.  What was the situation that caused the feeling? Once you have identified it, you will begin to feel it dissipate a little, maybe a lot.
If you're feeling this way because you feel something happened to you or was done to you, allow yourself to continue to feel it until you feel ease about it; and then perhaps see if there is a lesson in it.
If you are feeling a certain way because you feel you did or didn't do something, again feel into it and then see the lesson and realize you are not the first, nor the last person to have done this. You are here to learn and this will pass. Give yourself the love you so freely give to others.
Before you end your time, spend a few minutes thinking of anything that brings you joy.  Something that causes a giggle. a little thing that makes you smile.  End your mindfulness with something that will raise your vibration.
This may not help all at once, but one thing I know for sure is, it's more beneficial than just bottling it up.  The more often we are mindful of our feelings, the less we will hold those feelings in our bodies.  
Be kind to yourself 💓
Namaste,
Melanie