Wednesday, March 4, 2020

I'm fine. Thanks

How many times have you been ready to completely breakdown and have someone say, “What can I do to help?” and you respond, “I’m fine, thanks.”?

Why is it so hard for us to accept help?
In a world where we are all going in a million different directions at once, why is it almost impossible for us to say, "Yes, I need help!"  Is it the busyness badge of honor?  Is it that if we are not burning the candle at both ends, we don't feel like we are doing anything at all?  Is it that we are so used to doing everything ourselves that we do not know how to accept help?  Could it be a combination of all of the above?

I think for me it's part ACOA/Codependent behavior and part I'm the daughter/mother who grew up in a society where we did it all.  Probably toss in a little “Type A” as I didn't trust it would be done correctly.

It took a basic mental wipe out from taking on way too much for me to realize that it was ok for me to accept help. It didn’t make me weak or less than. That there wasn't anyone in the world that could handle it all at once. And if there was someone out there that could, then My hat is off to them, they are a super hero.

A friend said to me once, "When you do not accept help that is offered by someone in your life, you are denying them the gift of helping you.  That feeling you get when you are able to help a loved one.  You are denying that person that gift."  It put it into perspective for me.  It made me feel like I'm not a burden by accepting help, I'm allowing people who care about me to provide love and care that they truly want to give.

Yes, there are times when people ask, "What can I do to help?" And truly, you have no idea. Sometimes there is nothing other than allowing them to listen to you vent.  So those are the times if someone says, "I'm going to do ( insert anything at all)  So you can have a break or relax", That is when you need to accept that gift and not come up with a million excuses not to do it.

Friends, They say "It takes a village to raise a child", I say it also takes a village to create and support a community and that starts one person at a time.  Allow your Tribe to support you.  Ask for help if you need it and please, if someone offers help, accept it.

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