Return to Normal?

So, it seems the world or at least our part of the world is returning to what it calls a "New Normal".  So many people are thrilled to be able to go out in the world without restrictions, to be able to toss the masks to the side and feel free.  The restrictions are all being lifted just in time to enjoy the hazy days of summer.  The times for fun gatherings with friends and family at cookouts, celebrations as the Class of 2021 get to celebrate actual graduation ceremonies; happy brides and grooms anticipating weddings, all of this is wonderful news.

For so many though it's happy news that comes with an underlying sense of fear.  People are still anxious.  People have become accustomed to the way of life of the past year and are living in a place of fear to step out into an unrestricted society, so it is for the rest of us to offer them patience and compassion as they take whatever time they need to get used to it or not.  If they choose to wear a mask forever and continue to practice social distancing, that is their freedom and right to do so.

For so many others, myself included, it has made them rethink what exactly they are willing to return to.  So may people are rethinking what they are willing to once again call normal.  Many are opting out of the rat race life.  The chaos of the never ending to-do list.  Always on-the-go and never taken time to enjoy life.  Working so hard to have the big house and nice car and fancy clothes and toys for the kids, but not having time to enjoy the backyard or drive in the car other than to and from work and most importantly spend time playing and hanging out with the children.

I completely enjoyed the throw back to the easier pace of life.  The way it was before being busy became a badge of honor.  The time I spent last summer and fall in my yard reconnecting with nature and those closest to me will be a time I will be grateful for.  That for me will be the gift I will take from the mess that was 2020.  

This new normal comes with choices.  So if it gives me the slightest feeling of overwhelm or feeling too busy to enjoy my own life and down time; then that's going to be a "No" for me.

Every person has to create their own way in this life.  I believe if you make space to just enjoy your life at a pace that FEELS right for you, everything else really does fall into place; and then there is no need to run around feeling super busy because things get done and there just IS time for what you want to do.  The Universe responds to our vibration, so if we are at peace and relaxed then that is what will be presented to us.  If we are running around overwhelmed and frantic; then the Universe will continue to give us things to be overwhelmed and frantic about.

 

Sending you all much Love as you navigate your normal

Melanie

Books

Here are some books I've enjoyed.  I am an avid reader, so I could go on pages and pages.  I'm sure I will add more at some point 

The Alchemist  - Paulo Coelho

The Celestine Prophecy - James Redfield

The Sophia Code - Kaia Ra

The Surrender Experiment - Michael A Singer 

The Universe Has Your Back - Gabrielle Bernstein

Miracles Now - Gabrielle Bernstein

Girl Stop Apologizing - Rachel Hollis

Becoming Supernatural - Dr. Joe Dispenza

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - Dr. Joe Dispenza

Your Psychic Pathway - Sonia Choquette

(Pretty Much anything Sonia Choquette)

The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts - Gary Chapmam

Know your value - Mika Brzezinski

Untamed - Glennon Doyle

The Four Agreements - don Miguel Ruiz

Women Who Run With Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

It's Not Your Money - Tosha Silver

Mary Magdalene Revealed - Meggan Watterson

Ask and It Is Given - Esther Hicks & Jerry Hicks

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers - Debbie Ford

The 5 Second Rule - Mel Robbins

Year of Yes - Shonda Rhimes

The Gifts of Imperfection - Brene' Brown

The Power of Vulnerability -  Brene' Brown

(All books Brene' Brown)

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life - Dr. Wayne Dyer

(All things/Books Dr. Dyer.  I credit him with so much in my life)

Codependent No More - Melody Beattie

Triggers

Have you ever stopped to think about why you reacted to something the way you did?  Part of returning to our sacred selves is feeling all the feels; and that also includes looking at why we react certain ways.

Anger for example... For me when I am angry you can bet it is coming from either feeling shamed or feeling a sense of fear or injustice, which can also trigger shame.  It's amazing how even the thought of it can trigger the feeling of shame. I sit here and write this, I can feel those feelings in my body.  The feelings of anxiety, flushed cheeks, dizziness.
So when I get angry, if I take some time to sit with the feelings and allow myself to trace them back to their origins, It doesn't take long for me to realize that it usually comes from previous trauma that I thought was long ago healed.

I have spent the better part of 20 years doing the work on myself, but every once in a while that little girl who felt like nobody would protect me or fight for me gets triggered.
Triggers for me happen in a moment that I feel as though I have been embarrassed, treated as less than or unfairly, I immediately become angry and want to lash out.  The moment I see what I perceive to be injustice I become angry and want to right that injustice and defend those I feel are not being protected.
Being able to identify the feelings and sit with them allows me to release them faster.  I am then able to move forward and take whatever appropriate actions are necessary.

Brene' Brown has some great books and talks on shame. I'm paraphrasing, but she defines shame as I am bad vs. guilt of I did bad. She says if we give it a voice it doesn't have power over us.  I believe it's true.  The more we discuss what is causing us to feel this way, the less we will feel it and will react to it.

I believe there is a biological reason for every emotion we have.  It goes back to us needing our fight or flight reflexes to survive.  I feel we need to recognize why we are feeling triggered and be able to release it so it does not have a hold on you both mentally and physically.  Perhaps by recognizing it, it will have served its purpose.

When one doesn't deal with their triggers, they then project them onto others.  They are projecting onto someone else that which is inside of them that they have not looked at.  There are times when they are triggered and the situation is something that they have failed to deal with or something that they feel they do not like in themselves.  It is so important to be aware of your own triggers and to confront them.  When you do this, you will know for sure when someone is projecting their triggers on you or when you are projecting on another.

Looking at the shadow self is so necessary to be whole. 💜🙏

Presence over Hope

It has been over two months since we started a Social Distancing lock down in my part of the world.  Just now our Governor has announced phase 1 to begin opening businesses again.  I have spent so much time helping some around me to not go down the Rabbit Hole, that I found myself beginning to struggle with everything that was going on. 

Like so many others across the Country we have family members that were due to graduate. Class of 2020. I held out hope that it would all be over by Graduation time.  I see my niece who worked so hard throughout her high school career, got accepted to an amazing college be denied prom, senior activities and that dream of walking across the stage. I hate that I can't make it better for her.

I have friends that have lost loved ones to this horrible virus and have been denied proper goodbyes to their family member and we can't be there in person to support them. 

I have watched other friends and family members suffer complete burnout as they are front line health heroes and there is absolutely nothing I can do for them.

When I was numbing my brain with bad TV and internet scrolling while poking my head in the Rabbit Hole, I stumbled on a video posted by Nadia Bolz-Weber  In the video she talks about how she is also struggling and how she found looking forward to things may have been causing her to feel more anxious as news came of more cancellations. She talks about an interview she watched of a former POW who was asked how he got through it.  He said that the Optimists were the ones that had the hardest time.  They would say by Thanksgiving we will be free or by Christmas and each date came and went. They died from broken hearts.  He knew they would get out of there, but he didn't know when.  He just knew he had to focus on the moment in front of him.

Seeing this video helped to bring me back to present.  I had allowed myself to focus on everything and everyone else around me that it brought me out of the present moment.  I then turned my optimism up to Full Throttle to try and keep everyone else from diving head first down the Rabbit Hole that I didn't realize what I was actually doing to myself.

Hope and Optimism are wonderful to have; however they can be a double edged sword at times.  When we constantly focus on being hopeful or optimistic, then we miss out on the present.  Pandemic aside, we constantly compare our present state to that of the hopeful future. If we are already anxious, focusing on future events will only add to that and we miss out on some amazing things that are going on right in front of us.

We need to consciously ground ourselves in the now. Focusing on mindfulness and gratitude in daily life will help us become happier.  (ooh that cup of coffee! I kid, but it can be as simple as that)  In the times we are in right now, it is the little things we can focus on to find gratitude and happiness.

I'm grateful for the extra time I got to spend in my yard enjoying Gaia. I'm grateful that this time has forced me to slow down and truly appreciate those around me.

We are going to get through this.  We will resume to some type of Normal.  Know that you will persevere. Focus on today. What is new in your world today? Enjoy smiling eyes. Take time to breathe deep.  Accept help from others.  Reach out to your friends and family and offer help to them, especially your strong friend.  Your strong friend may not even know they need it.  As a strong friend I can tell you that sometimes all I need is a "Hey, how are you doing?" To make it all better. 💜

Namaste

Melanie

Be Kind to Yourself

I believe topics or items keep coming up in my space because I am either meant to deal with it, discuss it with our tribe or often times both.  Self-Compassion has been a big one lately. In fact, Last week in Meditation we received a message from Spirit regarding this topic and it has come in front of me several times a day since. Including a situation where I was unavailable for much of this week due to an ill family member.  I was beginning to get into the beat myself up mode for not doing all my normal activities and / or having to put things on the back-burner.; When it dawned on me, I needed to give myself a break.

Why are we not good at giving ourselves the understanding and compassion that we so freely give to others?

I am not a professional therapist,  this is all based on personal experience and observation.  I think we do not allow ourselves to sit with our feelings, we just want to just brush them off or ignore them altogether and are harsh with ourselves.
When we offer compassion to others, we have empathized with them in a way that we can feel their need or pain.  When we don't sit with our feelings, we bottle them up, push them down and then become hard on our self.  You know what I mean! That self talk of "Shake it off... You're being ridiculous, There are worse things in the world, People have it worse than you..."  Sure, all that may be true, but that doesn't mean what you're feeling at that moment isn't real.  
So when you're blowing it off and pushing it down, it has nowhere to go.  Then something else happens and we push that down, and something else, and so on...  Before we know it, we blow!  We are either an emotional crying wreck, in a depression or lashing out with anger at anyone who dares to cross in front of us.
So let's be kind to ourselves. If you're feeling any kind of feels, take time to sit with it.  I mean really sit with it.  Get quiet, do some breathing and really feel those feelings.  Feel them in your body.  where are they manifesting.  Can you feel the sadness in your heart area, or annoyance/ anger in your stomach or back.  Allow yourself to just feel where it is.
Once you have identified the feels, maybe allow yourself to try and see why you feel that way.  It could be a trigger, grief, a feeling of betrayal or even just plain old exhaustion.  What was the situation that caused the feeling? Once you have identified it, you will begin to feel it dissipate a little, maybe a lot.
If you're feeling this way because you feel something happened to you or was done to you, allow yourself to continue to feel it until you feel ease about it; and then perhaps see if there is a lesson in it.
If you are feeling a certain way because you feel you did or didn't do something, again feel into it and then see the lesson and realize you are not the first, nor the last person to have done this. You are here to learn and this will pass. Give yourself the love you so freely give to others.
Before you end your time, spend a few minutes thinking of anything that brings you joy.  Something that causes a giggle. a little thing that makes you smile.  End your mindfulness with something that will raise your vibration.
This may not help all at once, but one thing I know for sure is, it's more beneficial than just bottling it up.  The more often we are mindful of our feelings, the less we will hold those feelings in our bodies.  
Be kind to yourself 💓
Namaste,
Melanie