Feelings Are Normal

 I'm having a day today.  You know, one of those days where it seems anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Well, if you're a believer in the law of attraction, and I am; then you know that once you get a certain vibe going you are going to continue to attract things at that vibration.

I had frustration over one thing, which led to another and so on, and so on.  I was working in my yard and got over heated, which led to a terrible headache, and I was overtired, which is never a good combination for my mood.  In the middle of all of this I had a business situation where I did not feel heard. I felt angry and irritated.  

I took a shower and nap to recover from the heat and headache. Upon waking up I was still super frustrated and then began to feel sad. A few hours later I was no longer angry or frustrated over the situation as it was beginning to resolve itself, but I was left with this sense of sadness. A feeling that halted me in my steps and forced me to observe it.

You see, I'm no stranger to depression and anxiety.  It is a battle I have faced my entire life.  I have found ways to manage it, but it will always be a part of my life that I have to be wary of.  Unfortunately, because of this and the way society is today, when I'm having a normal response to a situation; I immediately begin to think, "Oh no, am I becoming depressed?" 

So as I began to observe the sadness, I realized I was having a perfectly normal response to everything that has transpired in my life over the past few weeks.  Our family is mourning a loss, so there is a sadness in our home and through out our extended family. As an Empath, I am always feeling those around me, when it's in my household those feelings are even stronger.  The frustrations and anger I was feeling about the other situations were 100% valid, but those feelings can also leave a feeling of sadness as they dissipate from the body.  

Knowing that my feelings of sadness are a completely normal response to life allows me to feel them.  I am not going to try to push through the feelings.  I won't try to occupy myself by staying busy until they pass.  I will feel them and know it's ok.  

I think as a society we are too quick to name everything as depression, that we no longer normalize natural feelings.  However I also believe that mental illness is still stigmatized and that's why so many people do not get the help they so desperately need, so there is the double edged sword.  It's as if as a society people aren't allowed to have any feelings other than happy or angry at the world.  Those are the two emotions that seem to be acceptable, I would say that's probably the base for so many problems today.

So please, if you're feeling any type of way, stop and look at your feelings.  What triggered them?  You may just find that it is a completely normal biological response to the situation.  If you find that it's not, if you've been sad for more than two weeks for no reason, if you're angry all the time, please, reach out for help.

Much love,

Melanie

Noticing Slights

 Why is it that we often appear to only notice what people don't do for us?  Or we only seem to notice the people who are thoughtless of us or inconsiderate to us.  Why does it matter to us if only a few people in our atmosphere are seemingly thoughtless or inconsiderate?

I will speak for myself, however I'm sure a vast majority of people would agree with me, the number of amazing and considerate people in my space on the daily far outweigh anyone else.  So why does it cut me to the quick with the handful who are not that way or "appear" to not be that way?

Is it everyone who notices when people act in thoughtless or inconsiderate manners?  Do people care?  Do I care so much because I'm a doer?  Do I care so much because I go out of my way to make others feel cared for and appreciated?  Does it bother me so much because it's a trauma response? Hmm???? This could very well be the case.  Maybe it's all part of being Hypersensitive?  Maybe it's time to revisit some old tools? Melody Beattie time?

Whatever the reason is, I find myself noticing a lot more lately who appears to be thoughtless and self centered vs caring and thoughtful.

I know for me, when I fall off the radar and don't check in with people, ask how they're doing, reply to what's going on in their life, it means my plate is completely overflowing with stuff. My A.D.D. brain ceases to function properly.  I'm quite sure overwhelming life is probably the case with most other people as well.

For the few that really are selfish...  Well, then it's time for Boundaries and to get out the list of all the amazing people in my life and appreciate my blessings.

 Boundaries are getting easier to put in place with age, especially after this past year.  I think this past year has shown the majority of humans who they can and can't live without.  So maybe that's why I've been noticing the slights more lately.  Because after this past year, my inner peace is the most important to me.  Knowing there may be times when we have to choose who we can be around due to quarantine purposes, It makes it easier for one to create their boundaries and walk away from the rest.

So my advice to myself and anyone who cares to read this...  Focus on the people who bring you joy, the ones that never make the (Can you believe they did or didn't do that) list.  Take some time to make a gratitude list, every time you think of a person that didn't, list ones who do.  And for those of you out there who are busy and realize you've fallen off the radar, take a minute to reach out to those you love.  

For those others...  Well....  You do you!

Triggers

Have you ever stopped to think about why you reacted to something the way you did?  Part of returning to our sacred selves is feeling all the feels; and that also includes looking at why we react certain ways.

Anger for example... For me when I am angry you can bet it is coming from either feeling shamed or feeling a sense of fear or injustice, which can also trigger shame.  It's amazing how even the thought of it can trigger the feeling of shame. I sit here and write this, I can feel those feelings in my body.  The feelings of anxiety, flushed cheeks, dizziness.
So when I get angry, if I take some time to sit with the feelings and allow myself to trace them back to their origins, It doesn't take long for me to realize that it usually comes from previous trauma that I thought was long ago healed.

I have spent the better part of 20 years doing the work on myself, but every once in a while that little girl who felt like nobody would protect me or fight for me gets triggered.
Triggers for me happen in a moment that I feel as though I have been embarrassed, treated as less than or unfairly, I immediately become angry and want to lash out.  The moment I see what I perceive to be injustice I become angry and want to right that injustice and defend those I feel are not being protected.
Being able to identify the feelings and sit with them allows me to release them faster.  I am then able to move forward and take whatever appropriate actions are necessary.

Brene' Brown has some great books and talks on shame. I'm paraphrasing, but she defines shame as I am bad vs. guilt of I did bad. She says if we give it a voice it doesn't have power over us.  I believe it's true.  The more we discuss what is causing us to feel this way, the less we will feel it and will react to it.

I believe there is a biological reason for every emotion we have.  It goes back to us needing our fight or flight reflexes to survive.  I feel we need to recognize why we are feeling triggered and be able to release it so it does not have a hold on you both mentally and physically.  Perhaps by recognizing it, it will have served its purpose.

When one doesn't deal with their triggers, they then project them onto others.  They are projecting onto someone else that which is inside of them that they have not looked at.  There are times when they are triggered and the situation is something that they have failed to deal with or something that they feel they do not like in themselves.  It is so important to be aware of your own triggers and to confront them.  When you do this, you will know for sure when someone is projecting their triggers on you or when you are projecting on another.

Looking at the shadow self is so necessary to be whole. 💜🙏