Saturday, May 23, 2020

Presence over Hope

It has been over two months since we started a Social Distancing lock down in my part of the world.  Just now our Governor has announced phase 1 to begin opening businesses again.  I have spent so much time helping some around me to not go down the Rabbit Hole, that I found myself beginning to struggle with everything that was going on. 

Like so many others across the Country we have family members that were due to graduate. Class of 2020. I held out hope that it would all be over by Graduation time.  I see my niece who worked so hard throughout her high school career, got accepted to an amazing college be denied prom, senior activities and that dream of walking across the stage. I hate that I can't make it better for her.
I have friends that have lost loved ones to this horrible virus and have been denied proper goodbyes to their family member and we can't be there in person to support them. 
I have watched other friends and family members suffer complete burnout as they are front line health heroes and there is absolutely nothing I can do for them.

When I was numbing my brain with bad TV and internet scrolling while poking my head in the Rabbit Hole, I stumbled on a video posted by Nadia Bolz-Weber  In the video she talks about how she is also struggling and how she found looking forward to things may have been causing her to feel more anxious as news came of more cancellations. She talks about an interview she watched of a former POW who was asked how he got through it.  He said that the Optimists were the ones that had the hardest time.  They would say by Thanksgiving we will be free or by Christmas and each date came and went. They died from broken hearts.  He knew they would get out of there, but he didn't know when.  He just knew he had to focus on the moment in front of him.
Seeing this video helped to bring me back to present.  I had allowed myself to focus on everything and everyone else around me that it brought me out of the present moment.  I then turned my optimism up to Full Throttle to try and keep everyone else from diving head first down the Rabbit Hole that I didn't realize what I was actually doing to myself.

Hope and Optimism are wonderful to have; however they can be a double edged sword at times.  When we constantly focus on being hopeful or optimistic, then we miss out on the present.  Pandemic aside, we constantly compare our present state to that of the hopeful future. If we are already anxious, focusing on future events will only add to that and we miss out on some amazing things that are going on right in front of us.
We need to consciously ground ourselves in the now. Focusing on mindfulness and gratitude in daily life will help us become happier.  (ooh that cup of coffee! I kid, but it can be as simple as that)  In the times we are in right now, it is the little things we can focus on to find gratitude and happiness.
I'm grateful for the extra time I got to spend in my yard enjoying Gaia. I'm grateful that this time has forced me to slow down and truly appreciate those around me.

We are going to get through this.  We will resume to some type of Normal.  Know that you will persevere. Focus on today. What is new in your world today? Enjoy smiling eyes. Take time to breathe deep.  Accept help from others.  Reach out to your friends and family and offer help to them, especially your strong friend.  Your strong friend may not even know they need it.  As a strong friend I can tell you that sometimes all I need is a "Hey, how are you doing?" To make it all better. 💜


Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Uncharted Waters

As I write this, we are now several weeks into suggested self quarantine /social distancing.  In our State it has been suggested all non essential businesses close until May 4th, which will be approximately 7 weeks by that point.  I sit here and realize if I'm feeling all kinds of ways right now, I'm sure I can't be the only one.

We are in uncharted waters.  We have never in our time had to deal with a situation as dire as this.  Our officials are working out the kinks, our first responders and medical professionals, the heroes in this Pandemic have exhausted all of their safety equipment and soon personnel as they too are getting ill.  
Those of us at home are trying to figure out life with our new norm.  People working from home are trying to learn video conferencing while homeschooling children.  We are inundated with what used to be our outside life being made available online, for some causing sensory overload.

What most of us need to be doing right now is taking time to just be.  Take time to grieve. Some are grieving loss of loved ones, some are grieving loss of the way things were.  This pandemic has forever changed life as we knew it.  We do not know what life will bring at the end of this situation.  It is perfectly ok to take some time to grieve that and just be.  There is no need to rush to fill up every moment of at home life.  If you don't allow yourself to go through the emotions, fear and/ or anxiety that you may be feeling, you can weaken your immune system; this is the last thing you need to do at this time.  
Practice extreme self care right now.  If you need to sleep, then sleep.  If you need to go out for a walk, then go. (Just practice social distancing if you see people 6 ft distance) If you need to FaceTime or zoom/ skype a loved one, then do that.  Do a digital detox.  Do whatever you need to do for you right now or do nothing...  Just don't feel you need to fill the time just because.

For people who are sensitive to energies, rest may be called for.  You may need to cocoon at this time.  I myself had 4 days where all I did was sleep.  My body needed that time to cocoon and workout all the new energy on the planet and within me.  I allowed myself to take that time.  Normally I would push through and "get things done".  This time I knew that for whatever the reason, I needed to listen to my body.

I may be an eternal optimist or it may be internal knowing/ spidey senses, but I believe we will come out better than we were before.  I believe there is a silver lining.  Mother Gaia has been given the opportunity to heal herself as the planet is forced to quarantine and stop pollution.  I believe the world is going to have digital overload and long for the times when they can talk to people and it will once again boost human relationships.  I believe as the fear fades as people heal, that kindness will win out.  I believe with all my heart the planet is ready to embrace the elevation and expansion that has been in the works for years.

So do what you need to do for you right now.  There is no right or wrong way.  The only way is what helps you be honest with yourself. Honor your feelings and all the rest will fall into place.
Practice kindness to others when you have the chance. 

Stay safe tribe.

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

I'm fine. Thanks

How many times have you been ready to completely breakdown and have someone say, “What can I do to help?” and you respond, “I’m fine, thanks.”?

Why is it so hard for us to accept help?
In a world where we are all going in a million different directions at once, why is it almost impossible for us to say, "Yes, I need help!"  Is it the busyness badge of honor?  Is it that if we are not burning the candle at both ends, we don't feel like we are doing anything at all?  Is it that we are so used to doing everything ourselves that we do not know how to accept help?  Could it be a combination of all of the above?

I think for me it's part ACOA/Codependent behavior and part I'm the daughter/mother who grew up in a society where we did it all.  Probably toss in a little “Type A” as I didn't trust it would be done correctly.

It took a basic mental wipe out from taking on way too much for me to realize that it was ok for me to accept help. It didn’t make me weak or less than. That there wasn't anyone in the world that could handle it all at once. And if there was someone out there that could, then My hat is off to them, they are a super hero.

A friend said to me once, "When you do not accept help that is offered by someone in your life, you are denying them the gift of helping you.  That feeling you get when you are able to help a loved one.  You are denying that person that gift."  It put it into perspective for me.  It made me feel like I'm not a burden by accepting help, I'm allowing people who care about me to provide love and care that they truly want to give.

Yes, there are times when people ask, "What can I do to help?" And truly, you have no idea. Sometimes there is nothing other than allowing them to listen to you vent.  So those are the times if someone says, "I'm going to do ( insert anything at all)  So you can have a break or relax", That is when you need to accept that gift and not come up with a million excuses not to do it.

Friends, They say "It takes a village to raise a child", I say it also takes a village to create and support a community and that starts one person at a time.  Allow your Tribe to support you.  Ask for help if you need it and please, if someone offers help, accept it.

Friday, January 31, 2020

Be Kind to Yourself

I believe topics or items keep coming up in my space because I am either meant to deal with it, discuss it with our tribe or often times both.  Self-Compassion has been a big one lately. In fact, Last week in Meditation we received a message from Spirit regarding this topic and it has come in front of me several times a day since. Including a situation where I was unavailable for much of this week due to an ill family member.  I was beginning to get into the beat myself up mode for not doing all my normal activities and / or having to put things on the back-burner.; When it dawned on me, I needed to give myself a break.

Why are we not good at giving ourselves the understanding and compassion that we so freely give to others?

I am not a professional therapist,  this is all based on personal experience and observation.  I think we do not allow ourselves to sit with our feelings, we just want to just brush them off or ignore them altogether and are harsh with ourselves.
When we offer compassion to others, we have empathized with them in a way that we can feel their need or pain.  When we don't sit with our feelings, we bottle them up, push them down and then become hard on our self.  You know what I mean! That self talk of "Shake it off... You're being ridiculous, There are worse things in the world, People have it worse than you..."  Sure, all that may be true, but that doesn't mean what you're feeling at that moment isn't real.  
So when you're blowing it off and pushing it down, it has nowhere to go.  Then something else happens and we push that down, and something else, and so on...  Before we know it, we blow!  We are either an emotional crying wreck, in a depression or lashing out with anger at anyone who dares to cross in front of us.
So let's be kind to ourselves. If you're feeling any kind of feels, take time to sit with it.  I mean really sit with it.  Get quiet, do some breathing and really feel those feelings.  Feel them in your body.  where are they manifesting.  Can you feel the sadness in your heart area, or annoyance/ anger in your stomach or back.  Allow yourself to just feel where it is.
Once you have identified the feels, maybe allow yourself to try and see why you feel that way.  It could be a trigger, grief, a feeling of betrayal or even just plain old exhaustion.  What was the situation that caused the feeling? Once you have identified it, you will begin to feel it dissipate a little, maybe a lot.
If you're feeling this way because you feel something happened to you or was done to you, allow yourself to continue to feel it until you feel ease about it; and then perhaps see if there is a lesson in it.
If you are feeling a certain way because you feel you did or didn't do something, again feel into it and then see the lesson and realize you are not the first, nor the last person to have done this. You are here to learn and this will pass. Give yourself the love you so freely give to others.
Before you end your time, spend a few minutes thinking of anything that brings you joy.  Something that causes a giggle. a little thing that makes you smile.  End your mindfulness with something that will raise your vibration.
This may not help all at once, but one thing I know for sure is, it's more beneficial than just bottling it up.  The more often we are mindful of our feelings, the less we will hold those feelings in our bodies.  
Be kind to yourself 💓

Uncharted Waters

As I write this, we are now several weeks into suggested self quarantine /social distancing.  In our State it has been suggested all non ess...